Condo Voyeur

Sometimes we like looking at things we cannot have, but it’s such a pleasure to momentarily live in a dreamscape, isn’t it? No, I’m not talking about porn, you! My sometimes pleasure in savoring something unattainable is to browse through the real estate listings using he following search criteria: Back Bay for location, and a minimum of 3 bedrooms. And then I like looking at all the listings, just those with photographs, of course. I like knowing what $1mil dollars can buy you today. This is my secret pleasure.

I like looking at how them rich people decorate their houses. Oh, yes, decorating style. It’s really amusing looking at photos of $2mil dollar Back Bay condos looking like they have been decorated by my grandmother: floral patterns everywhere; curtains, rugs, sofas, wallpaper. Yes, bloody wallpaper. Knick knacks all over the place, stuffy, decaying. One would think money would afford you better taste; guess not. Or hiring a decorator. What? You did hire a decorator? Nevermind. [Sucker]

Commonwealth Avenue, Marlborough Street, you name it, I am the voyeur of your overpriced condo. And your overpriced .. wha??? What was that again? The condo fee is $2,050? Per month? Ughhh… Oh, wait, there’s more, “the parking space is $175 a month on top the above condo fee”. Gee, I don’t want to miss on that one. OK, so the condo fee includes the standard stuff plus heat and hot water. Still, what do you burn for heat? Gold plated trees imported from the Amazon basin? What justifies a $2k a month condo fee? Anyway, I’m not buying this any time soon: an uncovered parking space for $175 a mo?! Deal breaker, hon, deal breaker…

Another lovely one, that you don’t want to miss on: A $2,150,000 condo, comes with a, – OMG, are you sitting down?- a Mini Cooper! Actually, it comes with a “MINI COOPER!!!” How exciting indeed! I can afford $2mil on a condo and you think the Mini Cooper will be the deal maker? Sure, it’d be nice to have a little kid brother for my Lexus and my husband’s Mercedes, wouldn’t be? But, hey, you’re not including a 42″ Plasma TV in the sale, so, sorry, I’ll have to walk…

And this last one was today’s favourite: The listing says the condo is 2,200 square feet, good size, ain’t it? And here’s what’s written under disclosures: “the deed refers to the condo as being 1,900 square feet, but according to the owner’s measurements is 2,200 square feet”. Are you being serious? You have priced a 1,900 sq ft condo as a 2,200 sq ft and that’s your justification? You haven’t even hired say a professional surveyor to do the measurements? Yeah, sure, I have faith & trust in the owner’s measurements!!! On the bright side if it’s taxed based on the 1,900 sq footage, it’s a deal, right?! Oh, dear, an expanding condo in our expanding universe, how apt!!!

Now off to choose my car to match my Back Bay condo…